| Holy cow! Since the earliest times of my life that I can remember, I wondered if solipsism was true for me. Perhaps more properly speaking, I was a parallel universe solipsist, thinking that everyone would only "truly" exist in their own universe. In my universe, I was the only one who really existed, and everybody else was just a projection of their own beings in their own universe. In effect, everybody else was a Philosophical Zombie.
Crazy, huh?
I stopped seriously considering all of this sometime in elementary school.
Cheers!
-Jess
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| This post was requested by Emily, who dared me to finally update!
There ya go! 
-Jess
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| This just made my morning.
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| If there's one thing I've observed in the past few weeks, it's this:
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1) I am capable of great sin, and I frequently sin greatly.
2)I can't seem to totally control my sin.
3) God uses me while I'm sinful for his purposes. He has accomplished great good through me!!
4) God's use of me is graceful and sublime: it reassures me of his presence and continual care for me.
5) My closeness to God is tied very closely to how faithful I am in doing devotions, reading the Bible on my own, or (with less correllation) writing to him.
6) I am not above using my Christian faith to make me look good.
7) Authentic Christian community is often a blessing beyond words.
What can I conclude?
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1) I may not prove the doctrine of total depravity, but I am evidence strongly in support of it. I believe it because it seems like the best explanation for my observations (in light of Romans 7:14-25).
2) I am in his hands, and that his supreme will is so well-established that I, in my minuteness, can do nothing to corrupt it. That is, nothing even I can do will separate me from the pursuing love of Jesus my Lord.
3) There is a deep connection between my relationship with God and how often I do personal devotions that goes beyond simple time investments and spiritual nourishment. I suspect that it's much deeper than meets the eye, and there may be aspects of it that the human mind is incapable of grasping. (?)
4) I need to be aware of myself in the little things, like praying or reading the Bible when others can see me.
5) Authentic and active Christian community, when it is realized, is perhaps mankind's greatest achievement.
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| I have been learning to weep and pray, for several reasons. I think it's healthy. Learning to weep is also an answer to my prayers. Why do I write this? The incident at Virginia Tech compels me to.
Blessings,
-Jess
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